Saturday, July 21, 2012

Public Transportation

I promise I'm really not a bitch. 

You know when you’re having one of those days when everything seems to get on your nerves? I had one of those days last week while I was coming home on the metro. Oh, the metro. How I loathe thee. Let me describe who I had the pleasure of sharing the metro car with.

1. One lovely gentleman standing next to me thought it would be a glorious idea to listen to music on his cell phone. Loudly. Without headphones. Sorry buddy, you have terrible taste in music. Be thankful I didn’t rip the phone out of your hands and throw it out the window.

2. Standing in the corner was a couple pretty much fornicating in the upright position. Really? Really? Sometimes I have no words. This is one of those times.

3. Sitting nearby was a group of adolescent boys. They apparently missed the memo that mullets and rat tails are no longer in fashion. In the future I’ll need to remember to carry scissors with me at all times. You know, just in case.

4. I had to resist the urge to scream at a group of middle-aged women. Listen ladies, no one, and I mean no one wants to see you walking around with your mid drifts exposed. And perhaps wearing neon colored bras under white shirts was a mistake.

5. I know I’m a teacher and so by default I’m supposed to actually like children. But that doesn’t mean I can tolerate screaming children running up and down the metro car. Put a leash and/or a muzzle on them next time.

6. And finally as I reached my destination and was finally able to get of the metro ride from hell, I was rudely pushed by a group of old women trying to get onto the metro. Uh, hello? Didn’t you listen to the announcement? You’re suppose to let people get off the train before boarding. Duh. That’s like common sense.

Thankfully there is an easy remedy for situations like this. It’s called wine. Lots and lots of wine.


  1. Loved it! Particularly the upright fornicators! I must make sure I see those when I'm in the metro next time!

    And I agree with you, lots and lots of wine really does help!

  2. Upright fornicators! - What are you saying here? That they were dancing? >>smile<<

    My first born sister would wonder if you were related to her with your final comment. She believes absolutely that there is no certainly situation that enough wine can not remedy.

    Strangely enough children have come to a similar conclusion ... there is no situation that can not be turned to your advantage with a little whine.